Subtle Shifts / by Emily Holmes

There has been some remarkable shifting in my career this year. I began with an outlook of "2017-The Year of Saying Yes" and now with this transformative Pink Full Moon, I feel parts slipping away and making time for new creative endeavors and writing relationships. All of this movement feels good and seems to be leading to new opportunities in playing live, writing more and expanding my reach as an artist. And some changes are totally taking me by surprise...

Beyond the little clues and the pink moon, I had the pleasure or pain of sorting through 5 years of back taxes receipts. Old bank statements, taxi receipts, gear warrantees, pay stubs and more. It was a bit of a head spin. There were entire chapters that I had forgotten--usually related to my time as a freelance writer in San Francisco--brought back from a small writer’s check for an article on Rollerdance Jam or the Pie Protest Phenomenon in the 90s.

There was also the chuckle or two I had when finding a folder for health bills and then realizing that amid a few of mine were a bunch for my cats. I also was reminded of Ryan Nena Health Center in the East Village which WAS my health insurance in the mid 00s. I completely spaced on that period of my life.

Entire stacks of paper for old co-op fees or car insurance (for a car that was totaled in 2008), or bank accounts and credit cards long since closed--all had been in my garage for over 10 years in most cases. Now, all are awaiting the shredder. It feels good to clear out the extra weight, especially since I’ve been trying to muster the time and strength to do this job for a good five years.

Besides the brief nostalgia-fest in my paper pile, I'm trying to be present for it all the changes, while also not neglecting my family and friends across the globe. Whatever the reason, I feel stronger and more confident being me without the whole "pushing the rock up the hill to achieve it" scenario.

I'm not sure what it all means, nor do I plan to spend time and air trying to figure that out. I just wanted to put it out there to the Universe and phrase it publicly to document the moment in time.