Remember the Rain... / by Emily Holmes

What a lovely way to start the new year! A long, low-lit day of rain on the 5th of January. It's cold and quiet and just starting to rise up from the sleepy holiday season. At least, that's how I feel as I lay on my couch listening to classical music and typing this blog on a rare, "nothing on the schedule" day.

Lucky for me because I feel kind of crappy and have the chance to simply rest. I like nothing more than this kind of day. I can sit in my house alone for more than 30 minutes. R returned to school today, and my husband is kicking off a very busy next few months in the game of real estate. I have some writing projects on my plate that I hope to get to later today. I am also READING A BOOK, which honestly hasn't happened with any success in a few years. It's a trashy fiction piece filled with self-indulgent characters and fashionistas in NYC's ultra rich circles, but fun and a nice distraction from much of the news these days.

I don't want to go on about politics here because I feel very angry at the current state of national sway and I also feel out of control of any real solutions. I will admit that I've checked out a bit for my own spiritual sanity. I'm a fighter by nature, but I feel weathered and weakened when I hear the yelling on the web. I don't understand the fear and the machismo and the utter disregard for the lives of people by many. Are we hurting so badly that we lash out at anyone or anything who threatens us? Are we actually BIGGER people when we win or get more? I don't agree with that viewpoint. I believe there's room for us all, and we need bigger hearts to find the way. That said, I feel like there is already so much damage to many people that they won't take that risk, and then, my child, my family and friends and my sisters of humankind all may fall victim to someone else's inner turmoil.

Rain is like tears or a baptism or a rebirth. It falls and washes away the dirt. It's a lovely way to start a new year. I remember the long rainy days in Rio after I spent my New Year 1999-2000 there. It literally felt like the Universe crying tears over all the pain and sins of yesterday. Today feels similar in some ways and completely unrelated in others. I love rain. It makes me feel comforted, and I am grateful because I'm not one of the thousands living in the streets of Los Angeles today. I have a house around me like a cocoon. I have heat in it. I have a comfortable couch and a literary outlet to type my thoughts on a day when I wasn't working. These are very nice things, and I do appreciate them.

Maybe the love will shine through as this year continues. Maybe my positive dreams for us all can grow so more people will feel the draw to be open and loving over scared and violent. I can only imagine what that could mean for so many people. As a mother, I can't NOT hope for this. My daughter is at stake. I hope I can teach her to reach for this goal as she grows up too. So, today, I'll remember the rain and all it can bring.